Go Away World

I hope no one ever reads this blog. No, I'm not following the Cartman theory of marketing, I just truly do not want anyone to read what I write. Most of the posts will resolve around how lame or depressed or awesome I've been and that's probably of little concern to the majority of the world.

Accounting for Tugboat is being used as a method for me to feel some type of accountability for my actions. I learned the hard way back in 5th grade that I will coast until a deadline. Things haven't changed in the 13 years that followed. I've been on cruise control and missed out on a lot of shit, leaving a multitude of regrets. Now that I have turned 24 years old, twelve days ago, I realize I need to finish many things and get the full experience of youth.

I've decided on three personality traits to concentrate on. Three is a holy number. Though I'm not religious, OCD sometimes grabs a hold of me and makes me do things in twos but mostly fours. But I can be content with three since it is long enough to be a list but not overwhelm me with shit to fret about. Also, three is concise and to the point. Without further ado, here they are:

1) Discipline
2) Follow-through
3) Confidence

Discipline covers two things in my life, weight-loss and schedule keeping. Starting three years ago and ending thirteen months ago, I lost 80 pounds. Going from 240 lbs. to 160 lbs. has really helped me to get on track but I've still got plenty of stomach fat. Everywhere else, I'm fit guy. And not to sound arrogant, but I am a good looking guy. Well, no need for modesty, an insanely handsome guy that's been told by multiple people I could be a model. Of course I laugh at them because of the belly fat that is being covered up by my still slightly present manboobs and the fact I am only 5'8''. Schedule keeping is kinda self-explanatory. I just make a lot of schedules and then blow them off. I need to quit that.

Follow-through could be argued as too similar to schedule keeping but is a serious enough issue to warrant its own bullet point. An example of lacking follow-through can be seen in the sports taken up at different points of time. I have always been good at everything I try and can dominate early. However, I don't put the time, work, and concentration in to become a master of any sport. I started two and a half years for the varsity high school lacrosse team. Fairly impressive since we were a good team that went to the state finals my junior year. I never rose above the third best defender on the field though was the only starter that entire stretch.

Finally, confidence. This is mostly for the ladies and office politics. Ladies like a confident guy and I am not confident. I'm actually paranoid and analyze (or over-analyze) every action I or someone else makes. For me, it is a struggle to translate how I feel in my mind to the actions performed by my body. I am working on it though. Rule #1 from my most recent motivational tool failure: Confidence - It's true everyone wants to fuck you.